I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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