I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
