I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
