i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
