Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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