the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You can't motorboat a personality
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My vagina is officially offended.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Come on in and take your pants off
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