uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
