I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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