worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
