that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
