Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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