before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I stole a fireplace last night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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