I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
