it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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