Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
