Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
There are leaves in my underwear?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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