i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
