Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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