I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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