Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
