I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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