Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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