I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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