my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
