I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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