Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I currently don't understand fingers.
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