dude i'm inner monologue high
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
