Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
