Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
