When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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