Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
