I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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