You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
