I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
