i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
