what if every blade of grass was a penis?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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