just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
