well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
