if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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