I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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