I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
