I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The adults are the big ones right?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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