I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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