I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
