I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
