I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
