guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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