Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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