I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
