today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
