Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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