hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
